


A Banana A Day

by babykid528



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [12]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Bananas, Innuendo, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Propositions, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2241819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykid528/pseuds/babykid528
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris gets an unexpected call from Karl while eating his mid-morning snack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Banana A Day

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on tumblr almost two months ago and didn't realize I never added it to the archive. So here we go. <3

The phone rings and Chris almost fumbles his mid-morning snack as he attempts to answer it.

The little display reads “Urban” and Chris grins stupidly around a mouthful of fruit while he says, “Hey! I was just thinking of you.”

It comes out just slightly muffled and Chris can practically hear Karl’s exaggerated leer as he replies, “Oh yeah? You were thinking of me? What’re you doing?”

If it was later in the day, or if Chris had more than one cup of coffee that morning, he might have realized he should play along and say something like  _brushing my teeth, you minty fresh stud_  or  _eating a piece of toast that looks oddly like your ugly face_. Something, anything, but the truth.

"I’m eating a banana!"

The words are out of his mouth before his brain can catch up with him. They’re not just out of his mouth, they’ve been _exclaimed_. Proudly.

_Fuck everything,_ Chris thinks and barely bites back a groan.

There’s silence on the other end of the phone line. Just for a split second.

"Excuse me," Karl says, "you’re doing what now?"

Chris does groan then.

"Did you just say you’re thinking of me while eating a banana?" Karl asks.

Chris sputters.

"The most phallic of fruits?"

Chris stops him there, “Hey, wait! No it’s not!”

"Uh, yes it is," Karl says. He’s grinning. Chris can hear it. He can hear it  _and_  he can picture it. Karl is definitely wearing the smuggest, giddiest grin Chris has ever visualized before. He knows this is true because he’s seen Karl make that face in the past when given the optimal chance to completely embarrass one of his co-workers. Usually, Anton was the victim of that grin, so Chris was okay with it. This morning, Chris is on the receiving end of it, though, and decidedly  _not_ okay with it. (He makes a mental note to apologize profusely to Anton the next time he sees him.)

"There are plenty of things more phallic than a banana!" Chris protests.

Karl tells him, “Fine, name one.”

"Cucumbers!" Chris tells him after a moment of silent struggle.

"That’s a vegetable, Christopher," Karl says.

"Whatever, it’s close enough!" Chris tells him.

"Don’t be ridiculous," Karl tells him. "I’ve seen the movies. All you Americans and your sex education classes with condoms on bananas."

Chris sputters again. Karl keeps quiet, most likely savoring the sound.

Chris sighs, giving up.

"What were you calling about anyway?" he asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too petulant.

"I don’t remember," Karl admits, still unbearably giddy, "I’m too busy wondering what correlation your brain was making between your banana and me…"

"OH MY GOD!" Chris shouts, face burning hot with embarrassment, "YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND I’M HANGING UP NOW!"

He ends the call and chucks the phone across the room onto the couch.

\---

When he retrieves his phone later, just after lunch, he finds a text waiting from Karl:

> _I just need to know… How big, exactly, was that banana? And how much of it could you fit in your mouth at once?_

Chris purses his lips and sends off a snotty reply:

> _Bigger than you, baby. And all of it._

Karl’s reply is almost instantaneous:

> _I’m going to be in LA tomorrow. That’s what I was calling to tell you._

Then:

> _Maybe we can get together… over breakfast?_

Chris shakes his head and replies:

> _You want to watch me deep-throat a banana in person or something?_

Karl snaps back:

> _Or something._

Chris reads that three, four, five times. He’s sure he’s reading it wrong, but each time it says the same thing.

He needs to drink more coffee apparently. He’s not sure he’s understanding Karl correctly.

He asks:

> _Are you propositioning me, Karl?_

Karl replies:

> _I’m certainly trying to, you idiot._

Well. Okay. They’re going there, apparently. After years of purposely  _not_  going there.

Karl  _is_  single now, though. And he really is exceptionally hot.

Chris texts back:

> _Well, okay then. I’ll supply the condoms if you bring the bananas?  
> _

Karl replies:

> _I’ll give you a banana!!! Cheeky brat!_

 


End file.
